Just Like Starting Over

Here I go again.

I'm blogging mostly for my Introduction to Cognition and Learning class - we have to write a blog post once a week about a behavior we want to change.  As always, I want to be smaller, so that's my behavior change, that being said, my instructor has to approve said behavior.  If he doesn't, I'll still try to remember to use this blog.  I deleted all my old entries - they were dated and irrelevant.  So yeah, here we go again.

I feel like a blob.  I have no idea how my husband can feel remotely attracted to me at this point.  I have lost a little bit of weight this past week, but I feel like it's just water weight; I still weigh 242.9 pounds.  For serious, people.  How the hell a 100 pound girl steadily gains enough weight to make it so she has to lose 142 pounds, I'm not sure.  Why 100 pounds?  I want to be back to where I feel good about myself.  I had very few self-esteem issues when I was thin.  Not to mention I have this small frame and small bones - my body is breaking down and my skeletal system just can't handle all of this extra weight.  Plus, running around at NERO is hard, man.

So my goals, as I've set them, are in stages.  I joined MyFitnessPal. It says I need to consume 1200 a day to lose 2 pounds a week, which is a completely healthy goal for weight loss.  Do I want to lose more than that?  Yeah.  But who knows what will come in the next few months?  It gives me a time frame of weighing 232 in 5 weeks.  That's 10 pounds.  I think that's reasonable.

So now, I'm consuming only the 1200 calories, trying to make it on the treadmill or the stationary bike for 30 minutes a day, at least for now.  I hope to move up in time and stamina and difficulty.  They say that if you don't go for at least a hour, then you're just maintaining weight as opposed to losing it.  I have weights in my garage, but I'm kind of afraid to go in there because we have rats.  Not normally afraid of rodents, but these are just disconcerting when you're up at 5 am trying to lift weights.

I'm also drinking 1/2 gallon of water per day at least.  I got a huge jug at work.

So, that's the long and the short of my newest blog post.  Just like John Lennon sang, "just like starting over".  It's time - I'm not getting any younger, and even if I didn't have the school assignment to do, I'd still be doing this - at least I hope so.

It's time.