Pithy Post Titles

I have forgotten to use them.  Stupid me.  Look, I'm just trying to make this interesting, okay?

At any rate, my weight is fluctuating.  I can totally see the correlation between what and how much I eat with gains or losses. I lost 2 pounds as of this morning - I'm back down to 230 (hey, don't judge, I know I'm heavy) and since I started this shaping plan/class project, I've lost 20 pounds, and since I started dieting before that, I've lost 27 pounds.  Which is good, right?  Only 120 to go.

I'm trying to get to 110.  I know it's a long way to go, right?  But I started at 157 amd I've lost some weight, so that's good.  I'm glad to not be in the 150s or even the 140s anymore.  To the people that say 110 is too small, they have to remember that I have this small frame and the extra weight is breaking my joints down.  My back hurts all the time because I am now so top heavy, if you get my drift.  I was 98 pounds when I joined the Army and I was 100 when I got out.  I wish I could go to 100 but my husband says he'll intervene at that point.

As for the shaping plan, which I think I should actually be talking about, I think it goes well sometimes and sometimes it doesn't.  Night before last I went over the 1250 which made me feel bad, but no one wanted to cook, so I had little alternative.  I ate dinner on my way home from class last night but I still stayed under 1250.  I guess I missed my mark this week by going over, so I can't go over this weekend.  Let's see if I can actually do it.

I don't even know if I'm doing this plan correctly.  I guess I should call Dr. Kelly and ask him if I am.  I think I'm supposed to be reinforcing the behavior (the 1250 calorie weight loss extravaganza) but I don't know if it's the 1250 I'm supposed to be staying under for the plan or the actual weight loss.  If it's the weight loss, I'm right on target; if not, and it's the calories vs. the reward of having a cheat day - well, I did fine last week but I can't say the ame for past weeks.  The haping plan itself didn't start until recently, so maybe I'm doing better than I thought.

Let's hope I get through the weekend without going over.  It's like The Price is Right - see how close you can get without going over!  Except the prize if you win is not being such a fat girl.  That's a nice price and all, but I don't know that I can keep up with this for the long haul.  I hope so.  I know I'll probably need more calories as I get thinner - if I get thinner - so I don't know how it'll go.  I'm almost afraid I'm going anorexic again, but I think you have to be thin to categorize that in that way.  I do know that I'm obsessing about what I eat and I feel guilty if I eat solid food more than once a day, which is rarely happening these days.  My weight is becoming an obsession and this probably wasn't the best topic for a behavioral modification plan.  But I don't drink, don't smoke (what do you do), I sleep well, I go to classes, I have very little vice in my life and I couldn't think of anything else.  I guess I just have to remember that I started trying to lose this weight before I got into this class and got handed this assignment.  All will be well.  As Lily Allen says, "everything's cool long as I'm getting thinner".  Problem is, I'm taking pictures pretty much every Friday, and I'm not seeing a marked improvement, except that I can no long wear 24s, which were too big to begin with by just a tiny bit, now they're trying to fall down.  Well, I guess that's something.  But I won't really be happy - at least I know in my heart I won't be - until I'm a size 1 or 3 again.  So much easier to buy clothes that aren't tent-like, mom-jeanish, or tall.  Everyone assumes big girls are also tall.  I am not.  So it's hard to find pants and while I can sew, I have no idea how to hem.

I should probably shut up now.  See you on Monday!